Doc jokes

[Niraj]

At the doctor's office a woman complained that she had been experiencing constant flatus. “Fortunately,” she added, “they don't stink.”
The physician did his physical exam, then instructed the woman “take two of these pills tonight and call me in the morning.”
The woman did as he instructed. In the morning, she discovered that her flatus continued, but now the odor was horrendous. She called him back.
“Well,” the doctor replied, “now that I've cured your sinus problem, I'll see what I can do about your flatus.”

A patient wakes up following an operation to find the doctor standing at the foot of the bed. "Doctor, how did it go?
"I have good news and bad news", says the doctor.
"Give me the good news, I feel terrible and I need cheering up"
"The good news is that we managed to save your testicles"
"Thats terrific. What's the bad news?"
"They are under your pillow

A doctor and a nurse just got married. As they were lying in bed one night, the doctor said to the nurse, "Honey, to avoid any problems, let's try the following system. When we go to bed at night, if you would like to have sex, pull at my penis one time....

....and if you don't want to have sex, pull at my penis 100 times!!"

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls.

The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."

The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."


Mr. Smith went to the Doctor's surgery to collect his wife's test results.

Receptionist: I'm sorry Sir but there has been a bit of a mix up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. smith went as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife.

Mr. Smith : So what is the problem?

Receptionist: Well the news is either bad or terrible.

Mr. Smith: What do you mean?

Receptionist: Well one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimers Disease and the othe for AIDS and we cannot tell which is your wife.

Mr. Smith: that's terrible, what am I supposed to do now?

Receptionist: All the doctor can recommend is that you drop her off in the middle of town and if she finds her way home, don't go to bed with her.

[glorias5]

porque los neurocirujanos son cosiderados semi dioses?
Porque pueden transformar un ser del reino animal al vegetal.
pero no viceversa....

[Walrus]

Let me try translating this one -

It is a riddle - Why are neurosurgeons semi-God (half God)?

Answer - Because neurosurgeons can change humans to vegetables but not viceversa.

(hope I got this right)

But this was really clever and funny. And, that is so true. Thank U Glorias5.

[glorias5]

Entra un gallego al consultorio y le dice muy serio al medico
Mire doctor si me toco la cabeza me duele , si me toco el pecho tambien me duele , si me toco la barriga me duele , donde me toco me duele
el medico luego de esto mirar al paciente le dice , mmm ya se que le ocurre ¡¡¡tiene usted los dedos fracturados!!!!!

[zhex00]

whats the difference between God and a surgeon?
God does not think he is a surgeon.

[Walrus]

Originally Posted by glorias5

Entra un gallego al consultorio y le dice muy serio al medico
Mire doctor si me toco la cabeza me duele , si me toco el pecho tambien me duele , si me toco la barriga me duele , donde me toco me duele
el medico luego de esto mirar al paciente le dice , mmm ya se que le ocurre ¡¡¡tiene usted los dedos fracturados!!!!!

Old joke .. .not so funny

One person comes to doc`s office and says it hurts him whenever and wherever he touches. . .head . . . chest. . etc

. .. just to discover that his finger was fractured.

[glorias5]

una pareja va al ginecologo , "Deseamos un metodo anticonceptivo, pero queremos tomar pastillas , ni inyecciones , no operaciones , ni contar dias"
El medico le responde : cama una manzana
La pareja pregunta : antes , durante o despues del sexo
El medico responde : en ves del sexo¡¡¡¡¡