Once Again Sardar Ji

[Smile]

A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park One was digging holes and
the other was immediately filling them in again.
Tell me,' said the passerby,
"What on earth are you doing?'
Well,' said the digger,
'Usually there are three of us. I dig the hole, Balwant plants the tree

saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole.
Today Balwant is off ill, but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the
day off, does it?

#########################

Banta Singh rushed back angrily to the grocery shop from where he had
purchased a packet of butter a few minutes ago.
"Where is my free gift?" he shouted at the shopkeeper.
"But Sir, there is no free gift on the purchase
of butter." The shopkeeper answered politely.
"Don't fool me," replied Banta, "it is clearly written on the packet
of the butter 'Cholesterol free'".

#########################

One day Santa Singh was home and he went to the
kitchen, opened the Sugar bottle, peeped inside and closed it.
His wife was seeing this. After some time Santa
again went to the kitchen,opened the Sugar Bottle, peeped inside and
closed it.
His wife again saw this.
Santa Singh again and again did the same thing.
His wife was puzzled at why did he do something like this..
So, she asked Santa, 'Why did you open the Sugar
bottle, see inside and close it often?'
Santa Singh replied, 'I am a Sugar Patient you know.... Our doctor
advised me to check up the Sugar often'.

#########################

A Sardarji bought a new car. Next day he is driving his car to
office.
On the way he was waiting for the Signal.
Suddenly he opened the door and got down.
Then he went to the Traffic Police and asked
him, 'How much should I pay to turn right?'
The Policeman was astonished and asked, 'Why are
you asking like this?'
Then Sardarji showed him the sign board which
was in the corner of the road:
'Free Left Turn'

#########################

Jugnu Singh and an American were walking outside
when the American said "Oh, look at the dead bird."
Jugnu Singh looked towards the sky and said"Where, where?"

#########################

Jugnu Singh: I was born in Punjab.
Harpal Singh: Oh really, which part?
Jugnu Singh: All of me, silly.

#########################

Jugnu : What is ANOTHER difference between a
MOSQUITO and a FLY?
Harpal : A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot
MOSQUITO!

#########################

Jugnu : Tell me five FEROCIOUS animals you can
think of..
Harpal : 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.

#########################

Q: How can you recognize Jugnu Singh in a
submarine?
A: He is the one with the parachute on his back.

#########################

Q: Why did the Jugnu Singh take a pair of
binoculars with him to a funeral?
A: It was a distant relative's funeral

#########################

There's a funeral procession of a sardar going
on a busy street.
All the sardars in the funeral are dancing the bhangra and
singing
and general 'balle balle' is on.
The people on the street find it strange that
instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if it's a marriage
baarat. So one of them asks Jugnu Singh,
"Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai
aur aap naach raheho?"...comes the reply, "Haan ji !
Hai hi baat bade khushi ki !!!
Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se mara hai

[smoker]

there was a party and sardar ji was enjoying it....from the middle of nowhere a lady came and asked sardar ji..."sardar ji susu karne ni jagah dikhayiye na.."......sardar ji replied..".hat naughty!!!!....pehle tum dikhao..""

[Smile]

Ones i asked to sardarjee, " Sardarjee, are you a virgin?"
sardarjee: Oh jee what are you speaking jee, even my father was a virgin!"

1- Sardar ji is buying a TV
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

2- Sardar Ji calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardar ji and hangs up.

3- Sardar ji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes

4- Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

5- Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home.
Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints
like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."

6- What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

7- What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra
sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.

8- There was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters.
They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave...
"No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then
we would become a State of USA and develop automatically."
All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd
was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE
WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"

9- Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned
to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,
new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

10- Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

11- How do you measure Sardarji's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

12- Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"

13- What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

14- What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

15- How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

16- What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.

17- Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

18- Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.

19- How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff.

20- What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.

21- What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes? The back of his head.

22- What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

23- What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink? Just-one Singh.

24- Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.

25- Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

26- How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it.

27- Why can't Sardar dial 911? They can not find the eleven on the phone

28- How do you get Sardar on the roof? Tell him the drinks are on the house.

29- "Oh, look at the dead bird." Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

30- What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but you never see them.

31- Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.

32- The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometres a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."

[JNUS]

Great going..

[Smile]

A sardarji happened to participate in a competetion, which was about writing the shortest story. The organizers had put a condition tht the story must have four ingredients ie. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.

Sardarji's turn came after many attempts by other. Sardarji gave a story, which was just one sentence and read: "oh GOD, my wife is going to deliver a child."

Amused, the organisers asked the sardarji whether it contained all four ingredients!! Sardarj replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:

Oh GOD: religion
my wife: sex
going to deliver child: suspense(whether a boy or a gal)

"okay, but where is the mystery?" asked one of the organisers.

The sardar replied, "who's the father??"

Sardarji was declared the winner for writing the shortest story.

[Smile]

Group of 7 Sardars plan to meet their old friend the
President Dr.. Zail Singh

The Sardars decide to take a taxi.

The taxi driver takes them to Rashtrapati Bhavan.

The meter shows Rs. 28/-, so the taxi driver says, "You have to pay me
Rs.
28/-."

Now, the Sardars have to share the cost among themselves and so they
decide
to divide the total (Rs. 28/-) by the number of people, i.e. 7.


This is how they do the calculation to arrive at the answer:
____
7 | 28 = 13 ( 7 x 1 = 7, 7 x 3 = 21 ).
7
--
21
21
--
0
--

The driver is exceedingly happy upon receiving Rs. 13/- from each of
the
Sardars.. He thanks them profusely and the feeling of happiness is
writtern
on his face as he leaves them and proceeds his way.

Seeing this, the Sardars feel that they may have made a mistake.

They decide to ask Zail Singh about it. After all, the fellow was the
President of the nation!

They ask Zail Singh to check their calculation of the taxi fare..

Zail Singh ponders over the calculations and finally says, "See, I am
not
good at division. The process just boggles me but addition is something
I am
an expert at. Let us add all the amounts you guys gave to the taxi
driver
and check the result. This is how I do for those tax forms I get very
often. The process is slow but is sure." The other sardars nod their
heads
(?) in appreciation.

The President writes as shown below and also explains as he writes on:
13
13
13
13
13
13
13
--
28
--
i.e.. 3+3+3+3+3+3+3= 21 and 21+1+1+1+1+1+1+1=28 so this checks out.

He then says, "Yes, it's correct. But I can also call my close friend
and
Finance minister Banta Singh.

Banta Singh arrives, and when told of the problem, he replies that
he
doesn't think it is a bad deal but says, "No problem! I will verify it
via
mathematical computation. I'll verify it with multiplication. That is
the
best technique for this, you see!"

While others watch in admiration, Banta Singh goes on to write as
shown:
13
x7
--- (7*3=21 ,7*1=7 so 21+7=28)
21
+ 7
--
28 This checks out as well.
--
Then he says, This is really fine. There should be no problem,
President
Sahab.
Can u think how it works with subtraction
here it goes
28
-1
---
27
-2
---
25
-3
---
22
-4
---
18
-5
---
13
-6
---
7
-7
---
0
After all, it is correct in all the methods.