American Ramayan

[Oak]

How does a ABCD(American Born Confused Desi) explain
to his younger brother the topic - How did Diwali
begin?

This is how he goes about it............(read it
with an American accent)

So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and
people liked him.
But, like, his step mom, or somethin', was kind of a
bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, you
know, send this cool dude, he was Ram, to some
national forest or reserve or somethin'.
Since he was going, for like,somethin' like more
than 10 years or so, he decided to take his wife and
his bro along.
You know...so that they could all chill out
together.
But dude, the forest was reeeeeeal scary shit,
really man, they had monkeys and devils and shit
like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked the ass with
darts, bows and arrows, so it was fine.

But then some bad gansta' boys, some jerk called
Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away
to his hood. And boy, were our man, and his bro
Lakshman, pissed! And you don't piss this
son-of-a-gunz 'coz, he just kicks ass and like, all
the gods were with him.
So anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram and
his bro get an army of monkeys. Dude, don't ask me
how they trained the damn monkeys, just go along
with me, OK. So, Ram, Lakhs, and their monkeys whip
this gansta's ass in his own hood.

Anyways, by now, their time's up in the forest and
anyways, it gets kinda boring.
You know no TVs or malls or shit like that. So, they
decided to hitch back home.
His bro and the wife are back home. People
thought,well, you know, at least they deserve
somethin' nice and they didn't have any bars
and clubs in those days. So they couldn't take them
out for a drink, so the people decided to smoke
shit. And they also had some lamps, they lit the
lamps too.

So it was pretty cooool..you know with all those
fireworks really, they had some local band play
along with the fireworks and you know what, dude,
that was the very first, no kidding, that was the
very first musical-synchronized fireworks. You know,
like the 4th of the July stuff, but just more cooler
and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how,
like, this festival started.
Cool!! Diwali Rocks Maaaan